Fantasy vs. Safe Sex

One of the reasons I enjoy erotica so much (and there are many, I’m just going with one here) is the fantasy fulfillment aspect.

In real life, I would not have a one night stand. I would not have sex with someone I met ten minutes ago. I would not have sex with two guys at the same time… you get my drift. There are lots of things I see in erotica that I would never do, but I love reading about them. I love the fantasy.

That’s why I don’t understand the occasional uproar that occurs regarding condom use in romance.

I think we as rational adult women can all agree that in real life condoms are essential, safe sex practices should be followed, follow common sense safety precautions with people you are going on a first date with such as letting a friend know who you will be with and where you are meeting, etc.

These are all important in the real world and I am in no way disparaging them. Does this mean I wish to read about any of them in my erotica? Nope. I say again – fantasy.

Because let’s be honest here, condoms are only the beginning. Really, condoms should be used with oral sex as well as penetration. Then don’t forget dental dams. Also, condoms do not protect fully against herpes, so both characters should be tested for all STD’s before engaging in sexual activity.

I don’t see anyone saying we should be including all of that in every book. Why not? If you are arguing that characters should act responsibly in their sex play, then all of the above should be followed, plus more.

I also have to admit, there is a tiny rebellious part of my brain that fires up whenever someone tells me I must write something a certain way. No I don’t, thank you much.

And there is also the fact that not every reader feels the same way about every subject. I as reader don’t care for condoms in my erotica, that’s probably why I don’t write condoms in my sex scenes (well, that, and I write mostly on the fantasy side where it doesn’t seem to be such a hot button issue.)  So for every reader who feels condoms are essential, there is one who shoulder shrugs or actively dislikes the safe sex aspect in erotica. That’s why there are so many books out there. Something for everyone!

Will I write condoms into a scene if I feel that is what the characters would do? Absolutely! Do I want to write condoms into a scene just because that is what I’m “supposed” to do? No thank you.

Romance and erotica are not safe sex manuals. If you are reading my work, I’m assuming you are reading for the fantasy, and I’m going to write accordingly.