They Said What???

To mark the unofficial end of summer, here are some random happenings from my world over the past few months.



How many of you heard this when you were growing up and you asked your parents a question – “Go look it up!” My father was an educator and those were the first words out of his mouth whenever I asked anything that began with “What is…?” At the time it seemed like a lot of work to get a simple answer, but in retrospect I was better off for it.



At a July Fourth picnic I was talking to a friend and her twelve-year-old daughter. I made a reference to Operation Desert Storm and the girl asked me what that was. I came back with “Look it up in the encyclopedia.” She gave me a blank look then said “A what?”



I was at McDonald’s and when the high school kid working the register finished taking my order she told me the total was $5.06. I handed for $5.25 then she gasped and said “Oops! I hit the exact change button by mistake!” I told her not to worry about the change but she stared at the register for a moment then turned around and called out, “How much is six from twenty-five?” One person responded “I think it’s fifteen” while another person insisted it was eighteen. The Assistant Manager put her out of her misery.



I attended a romance convention this summer, but with some trepidation because I was one of three male authors among two hundred attendees. An acquaintance introduced me to a female author whose books I had read and wanted to meet. When my friend said that I was also a romance writer, the woman stared at me like I was a homeless guy who’d shown up uninvited for dinner and stammered “B-but you’re a man!” I smiled and replied “Thank you for noticing. I’ll try to do better next time.”



I picked up a friend at the airport and when I asked him how his flight was, he told me he had enjoyed some stimulating intercourse with one of the flight attendants. I’m not touching that one.



Another friend who sometimes speaks before he thinks gave me this gem. We were at a barbecue and one of the women complimented him on his summer attire by saying “You look cool.” My friend replied “Thanks. You don’t look too hot yourself.”



Speaking of not thinking first, I have two recipients for my annual “Foot in Mouth Disease” award. This year Mel Gibson has been displaced by Jerry Lewis for his incoherent rant that ended his association with the MDA. Second prize goes to Charlie Sheen for not quitting while he was behind. Open mouth, insert foot, chew on toenails.



And how was your summer?



Tim Smith is an award-winning author whose books range from romantic thrillers to contemporary erotic romance. His latest Extasy Books release is the romantic mystery, "The Bundle." He is also a freelance photographer. More information about his books and photography can be found at his website, www.timsmithauthor.com.