Motivation (or lack thereof, in my case)

This is the definition I found in my Webster dictionary – “that which incites to action, or moves the will; to impel; to induce.”

If I’m not mistaken, I’m sure there has been at least one blog on how to motivate an author to write. And the answers would vary; take a break, read another genre, write short stories.

But what if the lack of motivation is a physiological problem? That would be me.

I hope I’m not grossing out anyone, but I’m in the initial stages of menopause. And while this is another transitional phase in a woman’s life, I’m finding it to be a pain in the ass.

Why? Well, let’s see. One of the physical aspects such as no more menstrual cycles (yay!) is helpful – my cycles were fairly regular, so I knew when to expect them. But other aspects such as the weight gain, forgetfulness, body changes, insomnia and hot flashes / night sweats? I can do without those.

The one trait that hit me very hard this past winter was depression. Everyone has their ups and downs, including yours truly – but when you feel as if you’re at the bottom of a well and can’t get out, that is NOT good. And I felt like that for three months. It was scary and it was aggravating.

And the mood swings? Oh ho, let’s not go there! I made my younger female colleague at work very nervous. She knew what was going on, but didn’t know how to handle it. Poor thing; she got many profuse apologies.

But what I’m getting at is, as an author, my writing hit rock bottom. Yup, you couldn’t get me to look at the computer unless I had to (and I had to at work). When I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep and eat and be left alone.

A dear friend had very gently suggested medication (and she wouldn't suggest it unless she felt that she had to). At one time, it was enough to raise my ire. But now I’m starting to seriously consider it. You see, my friend has told me that I’ve changed, and not for the better. The revelation hurt, but I had to really analyze myself to finally understand that yeah, I’m different. I’m not the outgoing, talkative, energetic, motivated gal I used to be – I’m the absolute opposite. I sure hope that changes when my hormones settle down.

But in the meantime it means – ta da! – zero writing. Thank heavens I’m not on deadline, or I’d really piss off my editor. And oh yeah, the best part? This could go on for another TWO years!!

Thankfully, the weather here in Toronto, Canada has improved immensely; more sun and warmer temperatures, which has improved my mood. But seriously, other than taking pills, how the hell can I ‘motivate’ myself to continue writing during this so-called ‘transition’? I’m exercising a bit more; I haven’t seen any results yet, but I’m going to keep at it. Another friend suggested concentrating on short stories – I’ll give that some consideration, too.

Anyone “been there, done that, got the t-shirt?” Any other suggestions would be gratefully received.

P.S. My posting is on a Wednesday, and I’ll be at my EDJ, so please don’t think I’m ignoring you; it just means I haven’t had a chance to look at the blog!