A Little BDSM Psychology

Some people say BDSM play helps both Doms and subs cope with various traumatic experiences in their pasts. Many believe that submission in BDSM power exchange helps the sub overcome an inferiority complex and social phobias. This is especially true in the first and last books in my popular BDSM western series, HEART OF THE WEST.

To me, one of the most attractive beliefs about the psychology behind BDSM is that the Dominant partner is driven by his/her desire to please his or her partner(s). This is true in most erotic romances with a male Dom, in that he creates settings where the participants can explore the submissives' fantasies. As a matter of fact, it's also true in most cases when the Domme is a woman. I like to think my Dominant characters have exhibited this desire in all of my BDSM romances.

 

It seems to me that the reason so many women readers love the male-dominant BDSM fantasy is that, while the Dominant controls a BDSM relationship on the surface, the actual dynamics of the relationship are controlled by the submissive. The sub sets limits as to what can and can't be explored, and he/she has the power to call a halt to a scene at any time by using a pre-established safe word. There are hard limits--things the sub absolutely will not allow--and soft ones, which may be off limits but may sometimes, in the heat of passion, be permitted. Limits, both hard ones and soft ones, change over time, as the partners become more attuned to one another.

While not many people in the vanilla fantasize over being hurt as a form of sexual play, it is very true that when a person is sexually aroused, all kinds of sexual stimulation can produce pleasure...up to a point, of course. That's why many BDSM practitioners follow "three sacred rules" about their play: it must be safe, sane and consensual. I try hard to make all my stories follow these rules, and to reveal more than just the mechanics of BDSM play when I write scenes that match each character's personality, hangups, and so on.

I just finished writing LOVERS' FEUD the first book in my new western series for Ellora's Cave. Each of the three novels goes more deeply than I've gone before into the characters' motivation to choose BDSM play, either acting out their kinky fantasies as Bye and Karen do in LOVERS' FEUD, living a 24/7 loving Dominant/submissive relationship in SHOTGUN RELATIONS, or learning not everybody who seems vanilla is vanilla in WILD CHILD, which will be book three. 

Check my blog (ann-jacobs.blogspot.com) and Facebook pages in the coming weeks for outtakes and excerpts from these hot, heartwarming novels! I'll be announcing some contests closer to the release of LOVERS' FEUD.

Happy reading!

Ann Jacobs
http://annjacobs.net
https://facebook.com/AnnJacobsAuthor
MOUNTAIN HEAT, a Blush Romance coming soon from Ellora's Cave