Since you probably already know I’m a foodie, is it any surprise that three of the six things involve food?
Before I begin, remember, “Judge not, lest ye be judged” and “Those without sin cast the first stone.” Now that’s out of the way, below are things I do I know I shouldn't.
Procrastinate. My motto: Don’t do today what you can put off until tomorrow. I like to think I produce my best work under pressure.
Eat red links. Red links are a red-casing enclosed “product” that has the same consistency of a hot dog, but it’s thicker and spicy. I believe this is a Southern delicacy, because I’ve never seen them anywhere else but in the South.
For all my righteous indignation about eating organic and all natural foods, I occasionally eat this mixture of God-knows-what and enjoy every bit of it going down. Whenever I get a craving, I take a red link (or two) and place them in the toaster oven on 375 degrees for 12-15 minutes. They come out a little charred, as if they’ve been grilled. I smother on some spicy mustard, and they’re oh so good.
Eat half a bag of cheese puffs—in one sitting. I’m not proud of this. Michael Season’s baked cheddar cheese puffs and the baked cheddar cheese curls are addictive. I’m not kidding. I tell myself they’re all natural. The bag says, “…no preservatives, no artificial colors or flavors.” Yet, deep down, I know those words don’t justify consuming that much of any snack in a single sitting.
I’m fairly certain, but I can’t prove, that they’re laced with some type of drug. Heroine, perhaps? Whatever it is, it’s highly addictive, which explains why I can’t stop at just a handful. I think the FDA should investigate. Until then, I’m looking for a 12-step program to wean myself off this crunchy, cheesy snack.
Eat raw cake batter. Yes, I know about the potential for salmonella poisoning (refer to the title of this post). I’ve been doing this for years, and I haven’t had a problem yet. My favorite batter flavor is chocolate. Just thinking about it makes me want to whip up a chocolate cake so I can lick the spoon clean.
Buy more books. This may be a sickness, but I happen to know I’m not the only one with the disease of buying books even when I haven’t read the ones I’ve already purchased. I need another bookshelf because I have books piled on the floor, and my computer is full of downloaded books I have to read that I haven’t even opened. Despite acknowledging all this, why do I have six books in my Amazon cart right now?
Drive the car without warming it up in cold weather. Turns out I was right to do this all along. Ha! Your car warms up faster if you drive it, and you’re polluting the air by letting your vehicle sit and idle. Don’t believe me? Go to these links and read the articles from informed experts.
· Warm Your Toes, Warm Up Pie, But Don't Warm Up Your Engine
Okay, that’s my list. Now, be honest—you’re among friends. What do you do you know you shouldn’t?
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In my February short story, Subordinate Position, CFO Danica Parker fights the urge to do something she knows she shouldn’t: get involved with someone on her staff. Marco Reyes is a man on a mission, and his mission is to charm the dress off his boss. Read the blurb and excerpt at http://delaneydiamond.com/books/.
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