Don't Touch That Remote! by Tim Smith

I’ve never been a fan of reality TV shows, but I found myself viewing a recent episode of Dancing with the Stars, probably because I didn’t have any drying paint to watch. I realize that we need shows like this, since we no longer have The Love Boat to offer paying gigs to stars that have lost their luster. The fall network line-up is once again loaded with reality shows that someone thinks we want to watch.

But don’t touch that remote - here are some new ideas that have yet to be explored.

Extreme Makeover: Celebrity Edition – Famous Hollywood residents show off their home maintenance skills while modeling the latest in designer cover-alls.

You Bet Your Butt – Each week, gold miners from Death Valley play poker, wagering their burrows. One unlucky miner loses his ass to a Royal Flush.

Name That Rug – Celebrities show off their tailor-made toppers, while a member of the audience has to guess which toupee belongs on which head. This could be the comeback vehicle Burt Reynolds has been looking for.

Who Wants to be a Wiseguy? – Host Regis Philbin gives some lucky contestant the opportunity to become a member of the Gambino family by answering trivia questions about The Godfather. Is that your final answer?

Under Oath – Politicians answer questions about their campaign finances while hooked up to a polygraph machine. The person with the best score gets free sexting lessons from Anthony Weiner.

Survivor: South Beach – Contestants compete to see who can get the best tan while clubbing and sipping Mojito’s.

Bowling with the Stars – Former screen idols pair up with members of the Pro Bowler’s Tour while host John Madden provides color commentary.

Straight Eye for the Queer Guy – Macho guys get in touch with their inner feminine sides between beers, backslaps, and questions like “How ‘bout them Steelers?”

The Real Housewives of Key West – Contestants have to guess who is what during the annual Fantasy Fest drag competition. The winner gets a big surprise.

Life With Tiger – Cameras follow Tiger Woods on the PGA Tour, hoping to catch him sink a hole in one off the links.

Just remember - you read these here first.

Tim Smith is the author of numerous books ranging from romantic intrigue to contemporary erotic romance. More information about his books can be found at his website, www.timsmithauthor.com.